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RT @TheOnion: Hawaiian Punch Physicists Unveil New 500-Megaton Very Berry Bomb http://onion.com/9Abk0u #Onion50States 0 1 Jul 2011 - 1:00pm
@solace Why would you lie about that? 0 1 Jul 2011 - 1:00pm
Mousetrap show on july 28th just got cooler. @armsaloft on 'the bill'. You know, industry term. 0 30 Jun 2011 - 11:00pm
RT @ChelseaVPeretti: I grow old … I grow old ... I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled. 0 30 Jun 2011 - 2:00pm
RT @reggiewatts: Admiral Snackbar 0 29 Jun 2011 - 2:00am
RT @normmacdonald: Are there any good knife-throwers? Every one I see always miss the girl wildly? 0 29 Jun 2011 - 2:00am
RT @bobducca: Today I will treat inanimate objects w compassion and empathy when they disobey me, be they office chairs or pickle jar lids. 0 28 Jun 2011 - 12:00pm
I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO QUALMS ABOUT THIS BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN SO PROFESSIONAL AND FORTHCOMING IN THE PAST. - Fake caps compliment. 0 28 Jun 2011 - 12:00pm
Oh my Panther Quest! 0 27 Jun 2011 - 10:00pm
RT @KenMarino: Just listened to We Didn't Start The Fire while a horse took a shit on my head. First time I didn't mind the song. 0 27 Jun 2011 - 8:00pm
Really cute how @brandtpm and @TheInsideKids think exactly alike. 0 27 Jun 2011 - 4:00pm
RT @armsaloft: @Laarks GOT A GOOD FEELING ABOUT THAT MOUSETRAP SHOW. WE GOT A LOT OF VERY INFORMATIVE EMAILS FROM THEM. WE'RE DEFINITELY ... 0 27 Jun 2011 - 2:00pm
WELL, YOU REALLY ACED THIS MORNING, DIDN'T YOU? TIME TO USE THAT BIG, BEAUTIFUL BRAIN IN THE PM - fake caps compliment 0 27 Jun 2011 - 12:00pm
@ChelseaVPeretti come to Eau Claire and you can pet justin's beard. 0 27 Jun 2011 - 10:00am
RT @ChelseaVPeretti: . . . .^~~...~~.......Bon Iver.......~~...~~^. . . . 0 26 Jun 2011 - 11:00pm
@savannahhhsmith If only you could time travel to Amateur Love days to see young Eric Rykal literally dancing on his ankles. @peervalidated 0 26 Jun 2011 - 9:00pm
RT @savannahhhsmith: If only for their tweeting, I adore @laarks 0 26 Jun 2011 - 9:00pm
I think the recession has hurt the cocoa butter industry the hardest. #fudgeshoppesareclosingyall 0 26 Jun 2011 - 9:00pm
I respond to every text with "either way, we'll both be long dead in 100 years." You know, just so they get some context. 0 26 Jun 2011 - 9:00pm
Here's a list of substitute words for water fountain: drinking fountain, bubbler, water butthole, electric water pee machine, agua pee pee 0 26 Jun 2011 - 9:00pm
If you're ever not sure on how to sarcastically compliment someone, just say it in caps. 0 26 Jun 2011 - 9:00pm
I REALLY VALUE YOUR INPUT ON THINGS YOU HAVE SO MUCH GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE AND SO MUCH TO BE PROUD OF. 0 26 Jun 2011 - 9:00pm
@DanielCoughlin it's not for anyone. Fake band. I sink their yachts. 0 26 Jun 2011 - 9:00pm